Bond?

My eyes opened. The guy sitting across the rounded table from me was sweating profusely. His bald, middle-aged head gathered a shimmer of the cheap lights that hung from the ceiling. The two men occupying either side of him were in no mood for cheap words. “I… I… don’t know anything.” Baldy pleaded. Boom! The […]

Snooze Button-me-up

The Snooze button. I fucking love it. I often wonder what life would be without it. I shudder with fear. It doesn’t bear thinking about Seriously though. The best invention ever? Well, yes, maybe. People may argue the telescope or toilets or the use of electricity. But, come on. The snooze button. Could you seriously […]

Deserter

I’m off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz. Actually, no, I’m not. I’m off to run naked through a desert and crush bandit’s skulls with a claw hammer whilst being pursued by Tina Turner and her gang of merry men. Actually, no, I’m not. But I am off to a desert. A […]

Captain Bored.

Captain’s Log. Stardate: 16th June 2011. Location: A branded coffee house in Greenwich. Status: Very, very bored. So bored in fact, I considered taking Viagra. Just to see what it was like to be 14 again. Walking around with a throbbing erection all day. I opted against that. But I considered it. Seriously considered it. […]

Full Plastic Jacket

I now own an anorak AND a rucksack. I can now carry my life upon my shoulders without the fear of getting wet. I may look like a German tourist, but hey, did you not hear me? My life. Upon my shoulders. Without the fear of getting wet. Okay, I admit I do feel a […]