Full Plastic Jacket

I now own an anorak AND a rucksack.  I can now carry my life upon my shoulders without the fear of getting wet.  I may look like a German tourist, but hey, did you not hear me? My life. Upon my shoulders. Without the fear of getting wet.

Okay, I admit I do feel a little conscious of the fact that I don’t look as cool anymore, but, in some ways, I quite enjoy that.  I’ve started enjoying ‘dressing down’ and wearing things because they’re practical.  It’s basically a case of taking advantage of the ‘Geek Chic’ era that has been championed by those pretentious middle-class kids residing in East London.  If they can look like a twat and be – apparently – cool, then I sure as hell can wear my newly acquired rucksack and not be judged.

My anorak incidentally folds in on itself for easy portability should you not require to wear it.  ‘Kag in a Bag’ as it’s known.  Technology from the 70s.  But technology that I marvel at.  And more importantly, technology that makes me beam with pride every time I engage with the mechanics.  It’s an anorak, and then it’s not.  It’s a little package, and then it’s an anorak.  I was getting wet, and now I’m not.  Technology.  I love it.  How can you not? Surely this was Batman’s starting point.  Little Brucie Wayne, equipped with Kag in Bag, outwitting his foes in the pouring rain.  Looking over them as gel from their hair seeps into their eyes.  “Where DID that anorak come from?!” The Baddie asks himself as the future caped crusader delivers another crushing blow.  Mr Wayne had the technology. Gotham City was never the same again.

My motives to explore my ‘Kag in the Bag’ are a little more refrained.  I purely aim to defeat the rain and to look smug doing it as I summon a coat as if from nowhere.  Finally I am the Magician I always dreamed I’d become.

Having always leaned to the side of looking slightly Rock’n’Roll, I have to say I’m quite enjoying my down time.  I would, however, like to contribute further to my geek chic with the addition of my thick-framed spectacles.  A recent acquisition encouraged by my optician.  Only for reading and looking at a television apparently.  Shame.  It seems unless I feel like watching TV through Dixons window, I’ll never fulfil optimum geekness.  No, I’ll leave that to my mate Sam, who manages to achieve maximum status without even wearing spectacles.  He does so by speaking of computers and Android phones and is no doubt sending me a virus as he reads this.  Damn you Sam!

I don’t know how long this whole anorak phase will last.  And, it is a phase.  A leopard doesn’t change its spots and I will undoubtedly return to my leather jacket.  The rucksack may stay, the shoulder ‘Man-Bag’ may return, although in the future I’m hoping I’ll harbour an entourage to carry my things, massage my shoulders, and caress my ego.  Any volunteers than let me know.

In the meantime, if you see a bloke bouncing down the street in an anorak, with a rucksack on, I implore you not to judge.  Not to harangue.  Not even to throw stones.  He could be a bloke going through a late-twenties crisis.  But if he’s wearing skinny jeans however…..