Richard Madeley – T’autobiography Chapter 73 ‘Lorraine’s Growler’

The message from Gordon the Gopher was abundantly clear: sexually seduce Lorraine Kelly with your penis or face, or face the consequences with your face or penis. I wasn’t quite clear on what those consequences were, but I imagined it was a darn sight worse than licking the porridge-clad labia of a Scottish spinster who […]

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I Fantasise About Killing the Street Salesmen Who Try and Sell Me Broadband On A Daily Basis

My friends and I, like the rest of you, have discovered the many uses of social networking app WhatsApp. Whether it be organising a group of disorganised fucktard friends, exchanging photographs of shrivelled penises, or exchanging words of unrivalled vitriol, there’s fun, and pragmatism for all the family. Recently, I’ve discovered that it’s been pretty darn […]

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The Quality Street Revolution – My Struggle With Britain’s Favourite Festive Treat

It’s January. And, if like me, you’ll likely visit friends’ houses moaning about your lack of money and whether or not it was a good thing you didn’t get into Rolf’s Cartoon Club (I’m still undecided). More often than not, after consuming all their bread and savoury snacks, I’ll ask if they have any chocolate – which […]

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