Richard Madeley – T’autobiography Chapter 73 ‘Lorraine’s Growler’

The message from Gordon the Gopher was abundantly clear: sexually seduce Lorraine Kelly with your penis or face, or face the consequences with your face or penis. I wasn’t quite clear on what those consequences were, but I imagined it was a darn sight worse than licking the porridge-clad labia of a Scottish spinster who […]

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The Quality Street Revolution – My Struggle With Britain’s Favourite Festive Treat

It’s January. And, if like me, you’ll likely visit friends’ houses moaning about your lack of money and whether or not it was a good thing you didn’t get into Rolf’s Cartoon Club (I’m still undecided). More often than not, after consuming all their bread and savoury snacks, I’ll ask if they have any chocolate – which […]

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Me, Prince & Him

There I was, leisurely strolling across the rain-strewn South bank of London.  The streetlights bounced at me as my feet navigated the puddles.  Incoherent shouts of traffic tried to penetrate my ears, which were otherwise engaged with the sounds of Prince.  He was telling a story about a girl who owned a beret that tasted […]

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Me Me Me

I grabbed my crotch.  Not for any real purpose, it’s just what I do when I think.  Hilarious female comics from the 80s would suggest that this is because the scrotum is where the male brain can be found.  This is not true.  This is where our second brain can be found.  We have a […]

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